Miscarriage : A Personal Story Of Loss & The Rainbow After The Rain

They say it happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies...and if you're reading this, you probably know what "it" is. Miscarriage. Maybe you're going through it right now or maybe you have in the past and just hearing the word brings back painful memories. It’s something we think we prepare ourselves for by keeping our guard up through that first trimester until we're "in the clear". But no matter how much we tell ourselves that it can happen and not to get too excited yet--it never softens the blow when we join the other side of the statistic.

It’s a silent grief. Nobody feels the pain like a mother losing her baby and many around her don’t even know she’s experiencing a loss.

When I had my miscarriage at 11 weeks with what would have been our third baby... I felt like the rug was pulled right out from underneath me. I was not expecting it, in fact, I thought so little about miscarriage this time around compared to my previous pregnancies. But as I was experiencing my first miscarriage, I was shocked that the emotional stress and grief wasn’t actually what caught me off guard. Rather, the grueling physical pain and recovery my body was going through. This, of course, will be a different experience for everyone depending on how far along you are--at the time of loss. I was far enough along for it to be an extremely painful and long process.
At some point, you will have to pass your baby and again depending on how far along you are--this can be very traumatic. For me, this didn’t happen until day 3 of my miscarriage. The cramping was intense and feels like labor but with an entirely different emotional experience. It was painful enough to have me grasping for air and curled into the fetal position. I do feel fortunate that my body did it naturally rather than a D&C, which I can only imagine to be an awful experience. In a way, it brought me a sense of acceptance and peace but at the same time it was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. The bleeding can last a full week, if not more, and the pain and cramping can last a few days as well. The fatigue and headaches lasted for almost 2 weeks for me and was so debilitating. I just wanted to grieve and move forward but my body wouldn’t let me...I wish I had more support during this time.

I got a wonderful midwife who made me a large batch of herbal tea--which helped so much with my recovery. I began taking iron and chlorophyll and as soon as my iron levels began to rise my headaches and fatigue started to subside. I strongly encourage anyone to seek out a midwife. They are far more attentive and will provide you with holistic and homeopathic remedies.

When you start to try again--will be entirely up to you and different for every woman. Some will want to try the next month and others will need more time to recover physically and emotionally. That was me. It took at least a few months to not feel completely terrified to go through that again and once I wasn’t terrified I was just scared. But my want for another baby was stronger than my fear. We didn’t officially start trying until 5 months post miscarriage and I don’t regret waiting one bit--I'm happy to say we are currently 14 weeks pregnant and due with our 3rd little rainbow baby in November, 2021! I got pregnant our first month trying, and I can say with confidence it was thanks to my wonderful midwife and her fertility protocol. A combination of herbs and supplements such as alfalfa, dandelion, chaste berry, red clover, nettle, red raspberry leaf, zinc, a good prenatal vitamin and young livings progessence plus.

Here's a breakdown of the benefits: 

RED CLOVER - contains trace minerals and high vitamin profile
ALFALFA - contains vitamins A, D, E and K and eight digestive enzymes.
CHASTE TREE BERRY - nourishes the pituitary gland and helps lengthen the luteal phase. It lowers prolactin and raises progesterone.
ZINC - great for cell division (sperm production and ovulation)
NETTLE LEAF - nourishes the adrenals and kidneys. It helps reduce stress and is a powerful uterine tonic
DANDELION - can help cleanse the body and remove toxins
YL PROGRSSENCE PLUS - promotes well being and balances hormones, progesterone derived from wild yam extract
RR LEAF - is a uterine tonic, high in calcium and iron

I took all of the above for 4 months prior to trying and spent the entire 5 months focusing 100% on my physical and mental health. So far it has lead me to a strong healthy pregnancy. Take care of yourself first.

**Please note: This is not medical advice please seek a licensed professional before beginning any supplementation

This is just my story and there are countless others just like mine. But when I was experiencing my miscarriage reading other women’s stories was therapeutic and helped me through it all. I think opening the conversation is so important! Many of us talk about miscarriage but skip the details because we don’t think anyone wants to hear them but believe me someone needs to hear your story too.❤️

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Brooke lives in Northern California with her husband and their two kids with a third on the way! She is a flight attendant for a major airline but taken time away over the years to raise her family. She is a slightly crunchy mama and takes a “lower” toxic approach to their home, diet and lifestyle! 

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